Perfect Daughters (Revised Edition) Review

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(More customer reviews)I am a child of an alcoholic Mother. I try very hard to avoid books that talk about adult children of Alcoholics becuase they usually make things sound very over technical and impersonal. I am not a very emotional person and I know the decisions I make in my life are because of my families alcoholic issues. However, this was a book that was not very hard to read and I would highly recoomend it. After reading the very first story and bawling my eyes out about that little family princess who never understood and was always trying to make it okay, I knew the book was for me to read. That's ME!!! That's ME!!! I kept saying over and over. Ironically I highlighted every sentence and passage that had to do with my childhood and feelings in the book and I believe I ended up with 90% of it highlighted. I couldn't help to think that someone had a hidden journal on my heart and feelings growing up. If only that person had stepped in when I was young what a difference it would have made. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK!!!

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This new edition of Perfect Daughters, a pivotal book in the ACoA movement, identifies what differentiates the adult daughters of alcoholics from other women.

When this groundbreaking book first appeared over ten years ago, Dr. Ackerman identified behavior patterns shared by daughters of alcoholics. Adult daughters of alcoholics-"perfect daughters" -operate from a base of harsh and limiting views of themselves and the world. Having learned that they must function perfectly in order to avoid unpleasant situations, these women often assume responsibility for the failures of others. They are drawn to chemically dependent men and are more likely to become addicted themselves. More than just a text that identifies these behavior patterns, this book collects the thoughts, feelings and experiences of twelve hundred perfect daughters, offering readers an opportunity to explore their own life's dynamics and thereby heal and grow.

This edition contains updated information throughout the text, and completely new material, including chapters on eating disorders and abuse letters from perfect daughters in various stages of recovery, and helpful, affirming suggestions from Dr. Ackerman at the end of every chapter. This book is essential for every one who found validation, hope, courage and support in the pages of the original Perfect Daughters, as well as new readers and every therapist who confronts these issues.

Also includes: a comprehensive reference section and complete index.

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Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand, and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast Review

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(More customer reviews)If this book ever achieves the popularity it so richly deserves, there is no doubt in my mind that it will be trashed by some groups in the U.S. society. If that level of acceptance is ever achieved remember to read it before you judge or accept someone elses judgement of it. This book will challenge you. It will force you to evaluate your place as a father, and your place in the world as it affects girls. As the author states in the Foreword, it may offend. It is not written from a Christian perspective and it is not written from Atheistic perspective. It is about exactly what the title states.
There are two things that are almost universally true for all fathers of daughters. 1.) We don't talk to anyone at all about our jobs as parents. 2.) We did not grow up as girls (Ok, this one is universally true.) What Joe Kelly does in Dads and Daughters is point out that these are two of several major hurdles we must accomplish to be good dads. Luckily, he also provides great information on how to overcome these hurdles.
Covering the first hurdle brings surprises. In his research, Joe interviewed dozens of fathers from all walks of life. In that research he found common themes. Themes that each of us as dads of daughters know to be true for us, but have no idea that there is another soul on the planet with the same concerns, the same desires, the same stories. He points to our lack of father to father communication and says, "here are some ways to fix that."
The second hurdle is obvious once stated but not so clear until then. We grew up as boys, and generally find girls as perplexing as we did when we were their age. That is a problem for a grown up boy given the task of raising a girl. The tools that our fathers used with us (if we were lucky enough to have that father) probably will not work with your daughter. And quitting is not an option. (For what it's worth, you the humble reader may find that some of the techniques Kelly describes are just as useful with the grown up girl that is the mother of your daughter.)
With Dads and Daughters, Kelly forces us to turn the light of understanding inward to see so many things that we already know, but forgot. Most of us imagine ourselves cleaning the shotgun when our daughter's beau comes a callin' yet almost none of us remember our own insecurities and true desire to find love when we were that age. Many of us have grown comfortable in the role of secondary parent; many of us have forgotten how important we are.
It is incontrovertabile that your concern and love for your daughter brought you to look at the details of this book. What you may not realize is how important of a role you do have now, through her adolesence, and beyond. You may not realize what you need to be for your little princess. This book will help, and if you're like me it might re-awaken those feelings of unrestrained joy, love, and hope that you had the first time you saw her and realized, she was your daughter and you are her father.

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Daughters Gone Wild, Dads Gone Crazy: Battle-Tested Tips From a Father and Daughter Who Survived the Teenage Years Review

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(More customer reviews)A couple of years ago the movie Thirteen, staring Holly Hunter and Evan Rachel Wood, had people talking with its frank depictions of early adolescent drug use, sexual promiscuity, and emotional angst. Media outlets picked up on the public's level of shock that the movie would show 13-year-olds engaged in such behavior. "Maybe 16- or 17-year-olds, but surely not kids so young?! And not middle-class white girls!" seemed to be the general feeling.
It didn't take long for adolescent psychologists to make the talk show rounds and confirm that this was, indeed, an accurate picture of how many young girls are starting to act out as they enter the teen years. And the movie only confirmed what pastor Charles Stone and his wife had learned the hard way, just a few years earlier, when their oldest daughter, Heather, turned 13.
Today Heather is 22 and a committed Christian pursuing a career in nursing. But for five years she tore herself and her family apart with behavior that the word "bad" doesn't modify with justice. Emergency rooms, a manual labor camp, mental hospitals, and countless rehab units became the terrain of their lives. In DAUGHTERS GONE WILD, DADS GONE CRAZY, Heather and her father tell their story in a he said/she said format for which a courtroom scene (he said) sets the stage:
"A handful of fidgety people sat in the nearly empty room. We took our seats in the back, and after a few moments the bailiff barked his customary, "All rise!" A dark-haired judge emerged from the side door. He seemed to float to his bench in his ankle-length black robe. I could feel my shoulders begin to tighten as we nervously sat in Courtroom A.
'Charles and Sherryl Stone vs. Heather Stone: Case number 43. Please come forward,' he bellowed.
The bailiff opened the waist-high swinging door that led to the judge's bench. The judge motioned for us to sit at the well-worn Formica covered table in front of him. He peered over his black-rimmed glasses. 'So what's the problem?' he asked.
With a dry mouth I muttered, 'We just can't handle our oldest daughter anymore. She runs away, stays out all night with boys, uses drugs and alcohol, curses us, and skips school. We've consulted a half-dozen psychologists. We've pled with her, fought with her, and grounded her. We're desperate. We need your help.'"
The judge threatened Heather with an ankle monitoring device if she didn't start obeying her parents, but it would take a lot more before she was ready and willing to make changes. No longer opposing litigants, father and daughter want to provide hope, encouragement, and a few hard-earned bits of advice to others facing similar turmoil. DAUGHTERS GONE WILD, DADS GONE CRAZY is divided into eleven chapters, nine of which are devoted to what the duo calls "relational life preservers." They include #1 "Don't Panic at the First Warning Signs," #5 "Reconnect with Gifts from the Heart," and #7 "Chose Your Battles --- And Lose Some on Purpose." The first half of each chapter features Charles speaking to dads and the second half features Heather talking to daughters.
This book is what I like to call a teaching memoir. It doesn't shy away from bullet-pointed instruction, but its soul is that of a narrative. And it's in the storytelling that this book is most powerful and instructive. Both father and daughter display a penchant for writing as they relive, in often emotionally raw and painful detail, their conflicts. Charles speaks honestly about the struggle to continue to love his daughter in the face of her vitriol, and Heather speaks candidly about the jabs from fellow students and friends --- incidents adults often overlook as petty in the lives of their children --- that fed her frustration and rebellion.
DAUGHTERS GONE WILD, DADS GONE CRAZY is geared for fathers and daughters, but many of its lessons would well serve any combination of parent/child conflict. In fact, I'd encourage all parents to read this book, regardless of your children's behavior or age. It will make you a better parent and a better support for fellow parents dealing with out-of-control children.
--- Reviewed by Lisa Ann Cockrel


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Fifteen psychologists, twelve secondary schools, four expulsions, four rehabs, two house-arrests and innumerable arguments... the cast and plot line for a season's worth of Law and Order? No. This was the real-life drama of Heather Stone's adolescence. Now in college, Heather, the once rebellious teen, has sat down with her father to pen an insider's guide for parents and teens alike.

Charles and Heather don't offer Cleaver family ideals or promise Brady Bunch thirty-minute solutions. They, instead, share the realities of their 6-year nightmare, in the hopes of fostering hope for the millions of families trying to survive the years from thirteen to eighteen. Replete with faith, honesty, and practicality, it offers readers nine practical lessons and provides a compass for even the worst tempests of teen rebellion.

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