Showing posts with label fatherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fatherhood. Show all posts

Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand, and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast Review

Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand, and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast
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If this book ever achieves the popularity it so richly deserves, there is no doubt in my mind that it will be trashed by some groups in the U.S. society. If that level of acceptance is ever achieved remember to read it before you judge or accept someone elses judgement of it. This book will challenge you. It will force you to evaluate your place as a father, and your place in the world as it affects girls. As the author states in the Foreword, it may offend. It is not written from a Christian perspective and it is not written from Atheistic perspective. It is about exactly what the title states.
There are two things that are almost universally true for all fathers of daughters. 1.) We don't talk to anyone at all about our jobs as parents. 2.) We did not grow up as girls (Ok, this one is universally true.) What Joe Kelly does in Dads and Daughters is point out that these are two of several major hurdles we must accomplish to be good dads. Luckily, he also provides great information on how to overcome these hurdles.
Covering the first hurdle brings surprises. In his research, Joe interviewed dozens of fathers from all walks of life. In that research he found common themes. Themes that each of us as dads of daughters know to be true for us, but have no idea that there is another soul on the planet with the same concerns, the same desires, the same stories. He points to our lack of father to father communication and says, "here are some ways to fix that."
The second hurdle is obvious once stated but not so clear until then. We grew up as boys, and generally find girls as perplexing as we did when we were their age. That is a problem for a grown up boy given the task of raising a girl. The tools that our fathers used with us (if we were lucky enough to have that father) probably will not work with your daughter. And quitting is not an option. (For what it's worth, you the humble reader may find that some of the techniques Kelly describes are just as useful with the grown up girl that is the mother of your daughter.)
With Dads and Daughters, Kelly forces us to turn the light of understanding inward to see so many things that we already know, but forgot. Most of us imagine ourselves cleaning the shotgun when our daughter's beau comes a callin' yet almost none of us remember our own insecurities and true desire to find love when we were that age. Many of us have grown comfortable in the role of secondary parent; many of us have forgotten how important we are.
It is incontrovertabile that your concern and love for your daughter brought you to look at the details of this book. What you may not realize is how important of a role you do have now, through her adolesence, and beyond. You may not realize what you need to be for your little princess. This book will help, and if you're like me it might re-awaken those feelings of unrestrained joy, love, and hope that you had the first time you saw her and realized, she was your daughter and you are her father.

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Daughters Gone Wild, Dads Gone Crazy: Battle-Tested Tips From a Father and Daughter Who Survived the Teenage Years Review

Daughters Gone Wild, Dads Gone Crazy: Battle-Tested Tips From a Father and Daughter Who Survived the Teenage Years
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A couple of years ago the movie Thirteen, staring Holly Hunter and Evan Rachel Wood, had people talking with its frank depictions of early adolescent drug use, sexual promiscuity, and emotional angst. Media outlets picked up on the public's level of shock that the movie would show 13-year-olds engaged in such behavior. "Maybe 16- or 17-year-olds, but surely not kids so young?! And not middle-class white girls!" seemed to be the general feeling.
It didn't take long for adolescent psychologists to make the talk show rounds and confirm that this was, indeed, an accurate picture of how many young girls are starting to act out as they enter the teen years. And the movie only confirmed what pastor Charles Stone and his wife had learned the hard way, just a few years earlier, when their oldest daughter, Heather, turned 13.
Today Heather is 22 and a committed Christian pursuing a career in nursing. But for five years she tore herself and her family apart with behavior that the word "bad" doesn't modify with justice. Emergency rooms, a manual labor camp, mental hospitals, and countless rehab units became the terrain of their lives. In DAUGHTERS GONE WILD, DADS GONE CRAZY, Heather and her father tell their story in a he said/she said format for which a courtroom scene (he said) sets the stage:
"A handful of fidgety people sat in the nearly empty room. We took our seats in the back, and after a few moments the bailiff barked his customary, "All rise!" A dark-haired judge emerged from the side door. He seemed to float to his bench in his ankle-length black robe. I could feel my shoulders begin to tighten as we nervously sat in Courtroom A.
'Charles and Sherryl Stone vs. Heather Stone: Case number 43. Please come forward,' he bellowed.
The bailiff opened the waist-high swinging door that led to the judge's bench. The judge motioned for us to sit at the well-worn Formica covered table in front of him. He peered over his black-rimmed glasses. 'So what's the problem?' he asked.
With a dry mouth I muttered, 'We just can't handle our oldest daughter anymore. She runs away, stays out all night with boys, uses drugs and alcohol, curses us, and skips school. We've consulted a half-dozen psychologists. We've pled with her, fought with her, and grounded her. We're desperate. We need your help.'"
The judge threatened Heather with an ankle monitoring device if she didn't start obeying her parents, but it would take a lot more before she was ready and willing to make changes. No longer opposing litigants, father and daughter want to provide hope, encouragement, and a few hard-earned bits of advice to others facing similar turmoil. DAUGHTERS GONE WILD, DADS GONE CRAZY is divided into eleven chapters, nine of which are devoted to what the duo calls "relational life preservers." They include #1 "Don't Panic at the First Warning Signs," #5 "Reconnect with Gifts from the Heart," and #7 "Chose Your Battles --- And Lose Some on Purpose." The first half of each chapter features Charles speaking to dads and the second half features Heather talking to daughters.
This book is what I like to call a teaching memoir. It doesn't shy away from bullet-pointed instruction, but its soul is that of a narrative. And it's in the storytelling that this book is most powerful and instructive. Both father and daughter display a penchant for writing as they relive, in often emotionally raw and painful detail, their conflicts. Charles speaks honestly about the struggle to continue to love his daughter in the face of her vitriol, and Heather speaks candidly about the jabs from fellow students and friends --- incidents adults often overlook as petty in the lives of their children --- that fed her frustration and rebellion.
DAUGHTERS GONE WILD, DADS GONE CRAZY is geared for fathers and daughters, but many of its lessons would well serve any combination of parent/child conflict. In fact, I'd encourage all parents to read this book, regardless of your children's behavior or age. It will make you a better parent and a better support for fellow parents dealing with out-of-control children.
--- Reviewed by Lisa Ann Cockrel


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Fifteen psychologists, twelve secondary schools, four expulsions, four rehabs, two house-arrests and innumerable arguments... the cast and plot line for a season's worth of Law and Order? No. This was the real-life drama of Heather Stone's adolescence. Now in college, Heather, the once rebellious teen, has sat down with her father to pen an insider's guide for parents and teens alike.

Charles and Heather don't offer Cleaver family ideals or promise Brady Bunch thirty-minute solutions. They, instead, share the realities of their 6-year nightmare, in the hopes of fostering hope for the millions of families trying to survive the years from thirteen to eighteen. Replete with faith, honesty, and practicality, it offers readers nine practical lessons and provides a compass for even the worst tempests of teen rebellion.


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From Old Notebooks Review

From Old Notebooks
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Words are Evan Lavender-Smith's main tool to express what's in between words: experiences, thoughts, memories, feelings. What cannot be touched, Lavender-Smith captures. The writing is outstanding, and I'm reading this book with no pauses. Ulysses, his son and daughter, Derrida, football, Kierkegaard, writing, death, and films--all are the leading actors of this strange memoir. When he writes about fatherhood, you can almost see his son's footprints on the pages in an effort to touch what the son calls "my moon." Beautifully written, clever, witty, and sensitive.

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From Old Notebooks is a memoir, a novel, a poem, an essay -- a self-styled memoivel -- which exemplifies how love of language and literature enriches our lives, and explores, often with great humor, the many pitfalls confronting a young writer and father on his journey to maturity. Each entry in From Old Notebooks is literally that -- an idea written in a writer's draftbook. Within this unconventional format, Lavender-Smith is able to tell us the story of his life while ruminating on subjects ranging from fatherhood to philosophy, art, football, music, politics, TV, teaching, fear of death, and everything in between. In the process, Lavender-Smith lays bare the day-to-day trials and tribulations of an artist confronted by the pressures of culture, family, writing, and, simply, being. Witty, original, poignant and deeply insightful, From Old Notebooks is a coming-of-age story, an ode to writing and reading, to living and loving -- a celebration of 'human thought in all its glory, all its mundanity.'

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What a Daughter Needs From Her Dad: How a Man Prepares His Daughter for Life Review

What a Daughter Needs From Her Dad: How a Man Prepares His Daughter for Life
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I was attending a Christian writer's convention when I saw Michael Farri's book on the table. Having a five-month-old daughter at home, the title immediately grabbed me. True to its cover, this book is a must-read for every father who has daughters.
Filled with personal insights, biblical exposition, and practical tips, What a Daughter Needs From Her Dad is a wonderful, insightful, call to fathers to raise good, solid, Christian ladies.
Michael can talk about raising girls, becuase he has six of them! This is a book that I will keep close to me as I watch Grace grow up, hopefully putting into practice the lessons Michael Farris has given in his book. It is my goal to raise a young lady who yearns for God.
Fathers, please do our country a favor, and buy this book!

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To encourage and guide men in becoming the dads they want to be, Michael Farris addresses issues common in all families with daughters: friends, dating, personal appearance, and preparing for the roles she'll have as a woman. Michael Farris challenges fathers to take their unique opportunity to train daughters for life's challenges--in ways that only a dad can. Originally published as How a Man Prepares His Daughters for Life, it now includes new material on relating to an adult daughter.

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Father to Daughter: Life Lessons on Raising a Girl Review

Father to Daughter: Life Lessons on Raising a Girl
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Although a very short, small book, this is a very good collection of simple bits of wisdom.
Some readers may think that it is too simplistic, but I think it contains some things that are very good reminders for fathers of daughters. As big of a job as parenting is in today's world, we can all use reminders of even the basics. In our fast paced world, many times our relationships with family members take a back seat to work. That shouldn't be the case. In this primer on parenting, Harrison helps us remember some basic things that are very valuable.
Some of the pages deal with advice on things that are your role as a parent. Others contain insights that will make readers smile in remembering events they have experienced in child rearing.
Some of my favorite of the included 'lessons' are these:
1. Take part in her life now. Don't wait until she's 15 to try to develop a relationship.
2. Tell her from day one that she can accomplish anything.
3. Be prepared to watch Walt Disney movies with her some 200 times. Each.
4. Tickle her, play with her, give her piggyback rides. She's not breakable.
5. Realize that as you shape her, she will shape you.
6. Read to her often. Very soon, she'll be reading to you.
7. Talk to her about what she wants to be when she grows up.
Continally reinforce the idea that anything is possible.
8. When she's old enough, sign her up for karate lessons. This is more for your sake than hers.
9. Think before you speak. Even when you don't mean to, you can end up hurting her feelings.
10. Take her out of town to somewhere she's never been at least once a year. This will develop her sense of wonder.
11. Remember, teenage girls spend hours in their room doing something. No man has ever really figured out what that something is.
12. There will be days when you think you've raised an alien. Those are the same days she feels she's being raised by one.
13. Remember, it's a good thing if the boys in her life think you are slightly unstable.
Frankly, I never would have bought this for myself. It's a very small, 'cutesy' looking book. It's just not the type of thing that attracts my attention. Fortunately, my wife saw it and bought it for me. It is a real little treasure.

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As a former boy, a father immediately understands why his son builds a tower of blocks, calls it a boom crane, and then knocks it down. But why does his daughter build the same tower, call it an ice-cream cone, and then offer a taste? As Harry Harrison, author of the chunky little bestseller Father to Son, would suggest, fathers of daughters should simply enjoy that imaginative treat, and every other she's likely to dream up.Filled with short, sweet, inspirational words of wisdom, Father to Daughter is a book of guidance for Dads on loving, shaping-and learning to comprehend-their inscrutable little girls. Divided into stages from infancy on up, it offers a pithy lesson on every page. Helpful reassurance: Tickle her, play with her, give her piggyback rides. She's not breakable. Advice on passing down skills: Show her how to climb up a tree. Also, how to climb down. Your role: Be home for dinner on time. This is very important. Make sure she knows she can call you at any time and you will go get her. This is why the cell phone was invented. Guideposts, both material and spiritual: Give her a piggybank when she's little. She's never too young to learn the value of saving. And, Help her understand that there's more to life than wearing the right jeans. And finally: Prepare for the day when you're not the most important man in her life.

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Letters From Dad: How to Leave a Legacy of Faith, Hope, and Love for Your Family Review

Letters From Dad: How to Leave a Legacy of Faith, Hope, and Love for Your Family
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Greg Vaughn had never been close with his dad. So after his dad died and Vaughn was cleaning out the garage, he was surprised at the depth of his grief. "The only thing I had left from my dad was an old tackle box and silence." He continues, "I remember crying out to God, 'This is it? This is all I get? I don't even have my father's signature!' "
That garage moment set in motion Vaughn's growing nationwide movement to encourage men to write periodic letters to their children --- and wives and parents --- leaving a legacy of blessing, affirmation, and love.
The book essentially explains how to set about writing letters, complete with sample letters, a table of contents listing topics that letters might address over time, and writing tips from a college professor. Vaughn suggests that letters include three elements: praise, hope and vision for the future, and assurance of loving commitment.
But it also has an unfolding plot with multiple characters, explaining how Vaughn gathered a dozen men to join him in his initial, tentative venture. They met monthly for four months, agreeing to write and then read to the group letters they'd written --- first to wives, then to children, then to parents, living or dead, and finally a letter on the order of a final testament: "If our friends who've passed away had been able to speak at their own funerals, I wonder what they would've said. Have you ever thought about that? What would you say if you could speak at your own funeral?"
You see the men interested in the letter-writing concept but clueless as to what to say or how to start. You see the reactions of wives and children when they receive their first letters, presented, according to Vaughn's schema, in wooden boxes with engraved nameplates. You see glimpses into Vaughn's own blended family. You see the birth of a church-based course called "Letters from Dad."
On one level the book is a promotional piece for Vaughn's ministry, but it should not be discounted on that count. It is an inspiring and encouraging tool in its own right. Its breezy tone, airy design, and short (four-page) chapters make the venture accessible even to reluctant participants. It would make a great gift for any father but especially those looking for some tangible way to connect with their children and those who are facing their own mortality and need to feel that they will be remembered after their passing.
As for leaving markable legacies, every chapter of LETTERS FROM DAD begins with a page of feel-good, multigenerational family photos that create nostalgia and interest. But the people are never identified. It seems most --- but not all --- are Vaughn's own family. It makes one wonder: Who are those guys?
--- Reviewed by Evelyn Bence

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What began as a passion in the heart of a father of seven has led to a new men's movement. Many fathers are asking "How do I leave something of lasting value to my children and grandchildren?" This book helps dads leave treasured words of love and blessing to their children.

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From Wild Man to Wise Man: Reflections on Male Spirituality Review

From Wild Man to Wise Man: Reflections on Male Spirituality
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Richard Rohr begins this revision of "The Wild Man's Journey" by defining God as "wild" in that God does not operate under human rules. God is free, that is, no matter what men do, God is "always the initiator, always good, always available." Men whose lives are based on performance and exercise of control are powerless before such wildness. Rohr pursues the theme with examples from scripture. The story of Abraham, for example, "has nothing to do with order, certitude, clarity, reason, logic, church authority, or merit. This is an utterly free God trying to create a spiritually free people." Additional topics include men's liberation, masculine and feminine spirituality, neither of which is exclusive to one gender; wild male saints; father hunger; male grief; and the powerful powerlessness of God. The appendix offers a structure for a men's group.
Though this work is written primarily for men, it has much to say to anyone who aspires to a deeper relationship with God.

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From Wild Man to Wise Man: Reflections on Male Spirituality is a revised and updated edition of Richard Rohr's earlier best-seller, The Wild Man's Journey: Reflections on Male Spirituality. For this new work, Rohr added three chapters that discuss John the Baptist, Saint Paul and grief. An appendix provides a structure for a men's group, based on Rohr's work with M.A.L.Es (Men As Learners and Elders), a program of the Center for Action and Contemplation, which Richard Rohr founded and now directs in Albuquerque, New Mexico.With Richard Rohr as mentor and guide, men--and the women who care about men--will want to embrace this new Wild Man.

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